“It takes hands to build a house, but only hearts can build a home”
As I’ve mentioned before on my writings I am a constant seeker of finding the feeling of home, so to sacrifice the physical feeling of home is a hard hit. But I am learning (slowly at times) that the physical building of home is a mere piece of the feeling of home.
My husband-to-be, like so many in today’s economy, had to go where there was work. I really cannot be surprised as I was the one who sent the application for a job in NW British Columbia. However, Northern BC is remote and not always the easiest to find somewhere to live, let alone put horses. Horses will always be my true passion and a major contributor to the feeling of home. So I have no chance of having horses up here it is not helping with the sense of displacement, yet the feeling of physically giving up our house in our hometown that we painted, created the nursery for our daughter in and planted plants and made it feel homier is what really makes me feel like I’ve sacrificed a feeling of home. So now we have the fun of searching for a rental, but we all know to find a rental you must have the damage deposit (hopefully just 1/2 of rent) and then in our case a pet deposit for our two dogs to join us. So before you even move in the first item of your own you are pushing $2200 down the drain and feeling like you are never going to make ends meet AND save for that ranch you’ve always dreamed of. So what is a family to do in these times? You can invest. You can borrow or you can scrimp.
In this case, we chose to scrimp I suppose. Whether we are scrimping out of necessity or scrimping out of a desire to save I cannot tell you exactly as suitable rentals are rare and saving is difficult when you have one partner working and the other on maternity leave. So we sacrifice. We made the decision for staying in the 5th wheel while we search for a place to live full time. What a whole other life, the feeling of home couldn’t be further away when it’s raining so hard you feel like you live in a waterfall and it is beating down on your home on wheels. Don’t get me wrong, its really not hard living when the trailer comes with two flat screens, lazyboy chairs, a fire place and relatively a bit of space. However, that space quickly fills when you add in a baby all her baby things and her swing, two dogs and two adults.
It is merely the knowledge that what I am sacrificing is what I find myself searching for everywhere my feet land. The feeling of home waivers when you long for a place you know you cannot be right now and that you have to keep your family together, so you sacrifice the feeling of home for a while and focus on the mental aspect of “home”. I try to build the feeling of home amongst just us, I try to bring pieces of home in pictures, draw on social media and technology to bring your extended family into your world a little more everyday. It’s a day by day thing to feel more at home in a world so different from our regular everyday with horses and open fields and rolling hills, but we try.
At the end of the day that is all the can be asked of us all, that we try. We build our family and our idea of home in different ways. We grow with sacrifices.